WBOC-TV 16, Delmarvas News Leader, FOX 21 - Midlife crisis: Your gateway to a better future

By Gregg Newby
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At 45, Roger suddenly began making drastic changes. Not only did he leave his job, he also ended his marriage suddenly. Those who knew him became worried. They thought he might be having a midlife crisis.

The midlife crisis has become a stereotype of middle age, replete with sports cars, toupees and extramarital affairs. It's often seen as a last grab at youth, though the truth is much more complicated.

For both men and women, it can be a frightening and confusing period of transition. People may feel depression and anxiety, and make rash decisions they later regret.

Defining the crisis

There is no single way to define a midlife crisis. Even experts disagree on what it is and how it crops up. Some feel it is brought on by fear of aging. Others believe it's simply a natural stage of transition.

In general, though, a sense of dissatisfaction leads those in a midlife crisis to make sudden lifestyle changes. You might unexpectedly:

• Leave your spouse
• Quit your job
• Change the way you dress or look
• Have an extramarital affair
• Abandon longtime friends and family members
• Become a substance abuser
• Adopt other destructive behaviors

There is no set age at which this happens, either. Some people get it in their late thirties, others in their sixties. And some won't be affected at all. It all depends on personal circumstances.

What brings on a midlife crisis?

It can actually have several triggers. For some, it's brought on by disappointment in their life choices. They begin to feel frustrated with their:

• Marriage
• Career
• Financial situation
• Family life
• Friendships
• State of physical health
• Other situations

And for others, a midlife crisis can be brought on by a sudden major change. This might include:

• Children leaving home for work or college
• The loss of a parent
• The loss of a spouse through death or divorce
• The loss of a job
• The onset of a major illness
• A decline in sex drive
• Another major crisis

When does it end?

There is no set time limit for a midlife crisis. It can last a few months or even several years. This, too, depends on the individual.

It's also a harder time for some than others. But in most cases, a midlife crisis is accompanied with some degree of:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Resentment
• Anger
• Grief
• Frustration

But despite being difficult, these inner conflicts can lead to personal growth and self-improvement. In fact, many people get through it by making positive changes. These might include:

• Adopting a healthier lifestyle
• Improving relationships
• Finding a more rewarding career or hobby
• Achieving a lifelong goal or ambition

But you still may need some help along the way. That's where seeing a doctor or therapist may help. Some people may actually have a clinical depression and benefit from talk therapy or medication. This can be a difficult period in your life and you shouldn't go it alone. If you feel you may harm yourself, call 9-1-1 right away.

It's also important not to make rash decisions you'll later regret.

• If you dislike your job, find another one before you quit.
• Consider trying couples therapy before you leave your significant other.
• Discuss major decisions with a trusted friend or family member.
• Consider the long-term consequences of your actions.

Finally, remember that a midlife crisis is temporary. For most people, it does come to an end. In the meantime, think about what you want and take the steps to make it happen. It could be your key to a richer and more rewarding life.

SOURCES:

• Freund AM, Ritter JO. Midlife crisis: a debate. Gerontology. 2009;55:582-591

• American Psychological Association. Researchers replace midlife myths with facts. Accessed: 06/24/2010

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